Done graduated. . . .now for the current story

Here I am again; just when you thought it was safe to go in the water.

It's been a FULL eleven months since I left the 'hallowed halls' of Alfred University.

Did you wonder how things turned out?

So far:

1. I graduated with honors (3.56 GPA) Yes! Yes! I got to wear the coveted tassel. . .
2. My brother, sister-in-law, Sister and brother-in-law, (that's NOT a typo) niece and nephew made it to my graduation (and, I was deeply honored.)
3. I had yet another surgery on my right-hand middle finger and thumb
4. I made several visits to see my Mom and Dad who were not able to make it to my graduation due to my long suffering father's multiple illnesses
5. Immersed myself in yet another beautiful Summer in upper New York State
6. I went to the family wake and funeral of a (too young) cousin-in-law
7. But, nothing compares to the ability to be present for my family during the death of my father on January 8th 2011.

How can I say this?

I can say this because I learned the true meaning of love and surrender as I watched my father reveal his pure soul and his undying love for my mother. I watched with an open heart, several days before he slipped into eternity, the transforming power of love as my mother bent over my father's bed and there faces seemed illuminated and rejuvenated (as if years of age had been erased) while they gazed into each others' eyes.

I felt that, up until this moment, I never truly felt the depth, the glory of God, the preciousness of human life and the slender connection between life and eternity that surrounds us at every moment.

I had truly never known my father until just moments before he slipped peacefully away.

I am so grateful I got to see him reveal to me his pure, sweet, innocent soul.

What was the most transforming moment of my life?

Holding my father's frail, bruised hand, stroking his forehead, telling him I loved him.

I am so grateful to been a part of his blessed transition. I only hope that my death will be as holy as was his.

Goodnight Daddy.

Wah?

So, today was another day where I didn't feel so well. I woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep so I had breakfast. Then I went back to bed by about 7 because I just didn't feel like I could stay up. My stomach was feeling really badly. So, I went back to bed and slept until about noon.

That's just the truth. A lot of times I just don't write about how crappy I'm feeling. I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a bad day. I had few days in a row where I actually felt a bit better, was planning on starting to exercise, but now I'm aching and, bah. . . .

But, I did get another painting almost completed today. It should be done tomorrow.

George started talking with me about selling the house (as much as I want to move out of here I know he won't be left with much to put down on another house and I really don't want to move lower down on the socio-economic ladder than I already have to go to school.)

But then, I guess you can't go lower than below poverty level.

O.K., so now it's almost 2:20 a.m. and I really do have to get up tomorrow and get something done. So, it's off to oxygen bed with me.

Everything's gonna be O.K., I just have to put my trust in God again, and again, and again.

I'm up! Don't ask me why.

At almost 7:30 in the morning (a Sunday morning) I am wide awake and my back is already killing me.

Oh well, I imagine I will find something to do to take my mind off that (since my BFA show is in about a month and I need to make more paintings to fill those gallery walls.)

I just love painting.

Right now, I'm working on a self-portrait from 1989. Back then, I was a svelte, tan, long-haired babe. And, I looked so fabo in my strapless silk dress and big, gaudy rhinestone earrings. What a great time in my life this was. I felt good and I looked good too! A winning combo for sure.

George and I were in Orlando, Florida, at the time this painting will reference, attending a convention. I remember going to the convention and then hanging around for an extra week to visit Universal and Sea World.

I'd have to get in shape now to do all that walking . . .

I'm glad I have an appreciation for that now that I'm slowly decomposing (while I compose on the canvas.)

O.K., enough complaining about my cranky body and off to the paint!

So, the latest painting

I finally took a picture of this painting that I meant to post last night.

This oldie but goodie is from 1963, and my first communion.

Here goes . . . .



I know the colors don't come across on the monitor as they look in person. I think this painting is my favorite yet . . .

A Bad Day in Art School Is Still Better Than a Good Day in the Cubicle!

I got to the studio around 1:30 p.m. and started to work on my latest self-portrait; a pic of me from back in 1963, when I made my first communion.

My dad, bless his heart, is not the best of photographers. And, true to form, my eyes are half closed in the original picture.

On top of that, being that it was an old black and white photo, it's all scratched and dented, so to speak. But, I was able to transform it into a living-color-self-portrait and it kind of freaked me out.

Why? Well, because it felt the closest to conveying a feeling that any of my other work has.

And, I'm sorry to leave you all (who ever you are) in suspense, but I forgot to bring my camera with me to the studio today so you'll have to wait until tomorrow to see a picture.

And, that's just as well, since I need to add some finishing touches tomorrow anyway.

Ciao!

Saturday night . . . Work In Progress

I'm still wrapping up the wonder years. . . but I guess I'm getting a bit too obsessed about the clothes in this portrait. Stripes! Yikes!

Here's the latest:



I had a good, if short, day in the studio.

Now that I take a closer look at it, compared to my source photo, I've got to go back and reshape a part of the head. . . . .dang!

So, I'm going to head up to bed, turn on the oxygen and hopefully get a good night's sleep.

Problems with Oxygen

So, I've got this oxygen tank in my bedroom now and apparently I still haven't figured out how to properly use it. How do I know this? Well, if I have the thing hooked up properly before I go to sleep at night I awake in the morning feeling refreshed, and, if I don't have it hooked up properly then I don't wake up in the morning, I end up waking up in the afternoon, feeling half-dead, which makes my day all screwed up according to the chronological clock by which the rest of the world works.

So, today I did the latter which is why I'm typing this blog at 5:15 p.m. (after just having had my morning cereal and tea.)

I've got exactly 7 weeks until my senior show at Alfred University. I'm not freaking out though. It seems as though my health problems have come as a sort of blessing (no surprise there) that takes my mind off my first exhibition and makes it seem unimportant in the greater schemes of survival.

Not that I'm not putting my full effort into my show, it's just that I've learned to trust that all will be O.K., just as it always has turned out to be.

Case in point: I submitted my senior show application without a partner and got my own PRIVATE (or semi-private) exhibition space! I don't know of anyone else who has a space to themselves. . . well maybe one other person.

My plans are to complete three more 16 by 20 self-portraits and then one larger one of me standing, clad in my graduation day outfit that overlooks the whole exhibition.

And yes, I know what I am wearing to graduation and my senior show.

Today's task is to get to the market and pick up a few things, come home and paint and pack up some stuff to take to the studio tomorrow.

Think I can do it? Oh yes.

So, long time . . . no post!

Well, I've been under the weather, and running around here and there to find out why.

It's one of those projects that I almost wish I hadn't undertaken but maintenance on the plant gets more and more complicated as the equipment ages.

The latest 'discovery' is that I have sleep apnea. So, now I have an oxygen machine in my bedroom. Now, at least I can get up and stay up for the day not being quite as exhausted as I've been feeling for a while.

Thanks to finally finding a decent MD (actually, she's really fabulous, caring, and has a great personality) I've been able to find out what's going on internally and take some steps toward better health care (and hopefully, better health.)

So, I've been working slowly on the latest self-portrait. This one is from the beginning of the 'wonder years'. I think I was either ten or eleven-years-old in this portrait. And, although I still believe it's from the most physically hideous time of my life, it turned out to be the best portrait so far.



And besides the portrait I also found out that I'll have my own INDIVIDUAL exhibition space at the senior show. Cool, eh?

So y'all, let me know what you think.

And remember, if you can make it up to Alfred, N.Y. the senior shows start on Saturday, May 8th!

A 2Fer

So, it's two nights in a row that I'm posting here, you lucky readers (who ever you are.)

I'm starting to feel a bit better and have a little more energy. I'm also starting to REALLY like painting at home, in my little studio.

Since I'm dealing in small self-portraits (16" by 20") it's no problem to work on them here.

I've gotten another one done today. This one is from 2004, when I was an office manager, almost at the end (thank God) of my corporate career. After this job I had two more jobs that lasted a total of one year. Then, it was off with the old life and on with the new life I had waited for all my life. . . .Le Artist!

Here it is. . . hot from my little fingers.



I think the next one will be from childhood.

See ya soon!

Here I am again . . .

So, it's a few days between posting and I've discovered that I have a new malady. It's call 'hyperaldosteronism'. Sounds like a fake disease if you ask me, but apparently it's not and at least answers why I've been feeling so sick and out of energy lately.

They (the medical they) tell me that one pill a day should take care of it. I'm hoping because it really taps my energy level and I'm not as prolific (artistically) as I'd like to be in the end of my senior semester in undergrad.

Anyway, I have gotten something accomplished, between all the doctors appointments.

This is the first self-portrait in my series that I'm actually proud of. And, all it took was a little more free-wheeling attitude with my colors.

The most current self-portrait is from 1987. The photograph it's based on was from a singing performance I did at a Spring showcase of local talent at the New Milford 'little theatre.'



Yes, this was back in my 'torch singer' days.

How many people have I been in my life?

I'd say a few, eh?

Wooppeee! Work in Progress

Here are two paintings I'm working on. One may look like it's finished, but it isn't. I'm having trouble getting more depth into the painting so I'll be working on it for a while yet.

Here's an early version of this painting of me and my Mom on a boat when I was about four years-old.



And, here's the latest version. I'm having a hard time getting more depth into the skin tones (and actually the rest of the painting too.) So, this is where I get to learn by doing. Isn't that how it's all done? Duh!



The third painting I'm working on is from a shot of me playing the piano and singing back in the 1980s. I'm going to call it "Torch Singer."



So, that's it for now. More will be posted as I complete works.

I haven't actually been to the studio much. I'm working mostly from home. Thank God I have a studio at home!

I pushed the 'New Post' Button so I guess I'm committed.

So, I've been feeling rather unmotivated and sick and haven't been to the studio much. Oh, I've been creating a LOT of art in my head, while I'm in bed feeling sick and unmotivated.

As I write this blog I'm sitting around in my pajamas and bathrobe and trying to motivate myself to do some art work.

So, I'm posting the lastest stuff I've taken pictures of in the studio.

Here's the big painting (I don't know where I'm going with this).




I've got to get myself in gear or I'm not going to be ready for my Senior Show.

And here's the latest update on the self-portrait I'm working on now.



As you can tell, this is before I gave up the hair-dye box! And also, this is when I was 50 (just five years-ago but in many ways it seems like an eternity.)

Long Time No Post

So here I am again, your aging but still spectacular college correspondent.

The news today? Big snooze, painting crit, rewind.

I had a painting (group) crit I almost didn't make today. But, I made it there in about a half hours time of when I got out of bed (the crit was at 1:30 p.m. so, no kudos for me.)

I'm working on about 2.5 paintings right now. How could it be 2.5? Well, I put one aside totally for now (that's a painting based on another old photograph. . .included here at the last moment for your viewing pleasure.)



Next up, is the current self-portrait I'm working on:



Then, I've got this massive 'hand' painting I'm working on:




This one got a big negatory in the group crit today. But, that's O.K. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this right now. I've got this problems with my hands and pain right now so I'm painting about that.

I'm also going to start a new painting about a position I find myself frequenting as of late (in bed) the famed fetal position. I don't know how you sleep, but I always find myself curled (blissfully) in this position in bed.

I seem to have more and more annoying (and slightly frightening) physical issues coming up as of late and I think they're going to be popping up more and more in my painting. This is just another way to 'deal' with them.

I pray, I talk, I live, I paint, I trust.

My Last Senior Semester About to Begin. . . .

And I find myself hurtling (in my head) toward the future and what I will be doing after I graduate.

This break I had tasked myself with five hours of painting at least five days as week. Did I actually accomplish this? Flat out NO.

Instead, I hunkered down at home, rested and did tons of Christmas baking, and, at the end of my break I went down to visit my parents for a week.

I thoroughly enjoyed the visit to CT. It was too short a time but I saw a some good friends, took Mom to the Opera at the Met and went into the city for a second time to see the Kandinsky exhibit at the Guggenheim.

So, I got my culture fix for a while.

My hands have been troubling me again and I think I'm due for another operation on the right hand after graduation. Then it will be on to the left thumb which is also triggering. I'm not freaked out about this, just listing it here as one of those things I need to take care of after graduation.

And the, it's on with the rest of my life, that is, after I get through today.

Man, I make myself laugh.

Conversation in a the Library

Tonight I was in Herrick Library (one of the two libraries at Alfred University) looking for a couple of movies to take home and watch over the next couple of days.

As I was sorting through the rack I was talking to another of my class-mates (one of my twenty-something fellow students.) We were chit-chatting back and forth about different movies. She was complaining about being on campus until Friday after most of the students in our class had already headed home.

But then, she was also complaining about WHERE she had to go for her break. Apparently her mom (no mention of a father so I am assuming a divorce or death) lives in New York City.

Well, I was just so excited for her. Being an artist in New York City! I mean, there is probably no other place in the world (maybe Berlin or Paris?) where more is happening to keep a young artist thriving (at least on the art scene) and making connections.

But, no. She was just clearly bummed out.

So, I had to let that one go.

Oh, the stupidity of youth.

I guess I was once that stupid and short-sighted too.

Besides my encounter in the library, I went to a foundry Christmas party. Free Pizza! I am a college student after all and the word FREE and FOOD equal YES, I'll be there.

So, I went to the party.

Of course, since there was no booze or drugs it was a short party.

The party was supposed to start at 6 p.m. I didn't want to be too tacky so I stopped and got a couple of bottles of soda (found out I didn't have to later on) and when I got there at 6:15 there were only two slices of pizza left. Fortunately, there was one slice of plain pizza and one slice of mushroom. And, I hate mushrooms so you know which one I took. The one lovely slice of pizza was followed by too many chocolate candies and slices of cake.

Oh, and yes, besides the food goodies we each got a little (tacky) plastic ring as a memento of our time at foundry.

Here we are, all wearing our tacky plastic rings, power-rangers style. Metal heads unite!

Enjoy the pix!



Before I close, here's an image of the latest painting I'm working on.

It's a 4' by 5' canvas.

Another day on the planet

And, I didn't change my bed sheets today. . .and, I don't think anybody really cares but me. So, I'll get to it tomorrow since I have the next four to five weeks of yawning time ahead of me before the next semester starts.

Tomorrow my plans are to be in the studio at about 9 a.m. (do you think it will actually happen?) then, I've got to get on the road to see the orthopedic surgeon-type guy and have him look at my deteriorating hands.

See, all of us human beings need those tools we call hands, and especially us artist types.

So, hopefully whatever is happening with my human tools will hold off on its deterioration path until some time off in the far-future. Meanwhile, I'll gratefully make do with the equipment I've got.

Re-remembering

What am I re-remembering?

The me of 1970-something. The me who couldn't wait to make a painting, work on a new project, see a new idea move from thought to form. But, I am also re-remembering that one who didn't have an appreciation for life, who was so immature she thought that life owed her something.

Life owes me nothing. I owe everything to life and to the source of my life: God.

Now, I'm not waxing all religious at you now because my concept of who/or what/or how God lives and moves within me has changed. But, I know that as surely as I breath right now that the spirit of love and life and enthusiasm burns more brightly in me than it ever did in my twenty year-old body and soul.

Maybe I'm just more aware of it now and the fleetingness of time and my relative insignificance and magnificence in the whole warp and weft of my time here on this fragile planet.

And, I am pleased to be in this also increasingly fragile body that holds hope and love and dreams within its walls.

Life is what it is.

And, I must get to bed so I can start another day of painting tomorrow!

Wednesday in the week that is

Sometimes, among all people in the world, I feel extremely blessed.

I say this not because I am financially rich, actually the opposite is true, but because I am blessed with a life that I never dreamed I could have.

There are days and times when, like the rest of us 'human-beans', I'm faltering in the dark and I feel as if I'm slogging through oatmeal. Then is when I need to trust the most that God (or whatever you chose to call that divine entity within us)will carry me through, and indeed I am taken care of.

This past week has been a series of challenges, as I worked past my own defects of procrastination, ingratitude and short sightedness.

Then, this morning as I walked from my car through the parking lot to my painting studio (can you imagine, MY painting studio?)I decided that I should soak in the minutes as I walked in solitude toward my painting space.

The morning was crisp and clear. I filled my lungs with the cool autumn air. I reminded myself that no matter how insignificant that moment might seem in the span of my life I was fully alive, and fully present, and fully blessed to be aware of the gift.

As I passed fellow students I felt light and present. I wish I could feel that way all the time. I believe it is called being in the NOW. So, I need to practice this more and more. It is the key to sanity and peace.

What else happened today?

I sat through a presentation in art history class that, as far as being a presentation went, was pretty poor. But, as being a testament to someones belief system was very rich.

How do I explain how someone who is talking about the art of tattooing feels it is a religious experience?

This young man talked about how he tried to discourage young people that came in requesting a tattoo. He said that it was a very important decision (I agree) and that whatever art was put on the body spoke volumes about what people believed. It was incredibly amazing to me that he felt so strongly about something that I considered strictly a vanity item.

One thing that art school has done for me, besides the opportunity to develop my art practice, is to open my mind and my heart to those younger than me who are struggling with their own path of spiritual growth, whatever that may be.

Now, after the philosophical waxing tonight, I'm going in include some pictures of my latest bells.

The first picture is of the 'faux shrine' directly inside the front door of my house. The picture above the cabinet is the 'Mega Mary' painting I did my Sophomore year, the glass arch object on the table is a glass casting I made (it actually lights up but I didn't take the picture that way) and all of the bells (except the five tiny ones) are on the chest. The two newest ones are the two in the middle. They both ring at different tones.
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Here's a closeup shot of all the bells.



The five smaller ones that are less than two inches tall don't really make a sound, of course they have no clappers, that might be why or they are just too thick for such a small bell.



Whatever.

Here they are.

And I am almost done with this semester. . . . . how wonderful is that?

Here I Am-Rockin' Like a Hurricane

O.K., what rock group did that song? I can hear the music roaring through my head. . . . and, the winner is. . . . . I dunno. Sorry.

I'm posting again after a hiatus of at least a few days. It's been radically insanely end-of-semester busy.

I'm up early today to so I can get to the studio and get something painted before my crit today. This will be the last of my crits for the semester. After this, there will only be the obligatory helping to clean up the studios duties. Imagine that, we pay all this money for art school and they US to clean up the studios. What a racket, eh?

So, yesterday I did my 45 minute presentation on the Klingit native culture of Southeastern Alaska. I also handed in my 10-page paper (that I found out isn't actually due until a week from now.) Then, headed down to the foundry and set up a small performance related to my 'heritage' theme.

After cleaning up the table in the wax room (which could only be described by the Italian slang word 'shkeeve!' I dressed things up with my great-grandmother's yellow crocheted table cloth, my crystal candle sticks, a couple settings of miss-match plates (with forks, knives and spoons) two demitasse cups and saucers and, in the middle of the table I put a mirror with the two newly completed bronze bells and the three larger wax bells that will be cast in iron next semester.

The performance was simple and short. The theme was 'welcoming my ancestors to the table.'

I dressed for the occasion, because if I really was inviting my dear departed ancestors I wanted to have on some of my nicest clothes.

Lighting the candles at the table I said, "Ospiti onorati benvenuto!" (Welcome honored guests) Then, looking down at the table and gesturing toward the plates I said, "ho impostato la tabella nel ricordo e nell amore." (I set the table in remembrance and love.) Then I picked up each of the bells (representing both grandmothers) and rang them.

Here are some pictures one of my classmates took.





I guess I'll be rockin' on today since I've got a full day schedule ahead of me.

Monday-early

Wow, I'm up and posting already. Could this be because I haven't posted in days?

Perhaps, but oh well . . . .

I'm attaching the latest finished self portrait (1993).

Here goes:



Now, I'm off to foundry and then art history class.

I might post more later.